u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
