While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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