you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
