I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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