I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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