My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize