this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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