I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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