Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm really busy with my period
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