I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
