maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize