my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize