the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
