Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
