god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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