took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
