sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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