I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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