My nipple is on Facebook.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
