Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
