My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
