I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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