U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
should my penis look like a turkey
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
