our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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