I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm getting married
To pizza
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
