you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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