Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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