i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize