is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
