I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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