yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Drunk is not a location!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
