My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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