You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
