I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
