her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
