so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Farmville is her only friend.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
