dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
