New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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