I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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