No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
