i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
