I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
