I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
