Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
