i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
