why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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