You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
