Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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