Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
