Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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