I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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