You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
