Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
