Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
