I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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