all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
