FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
