you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
