reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
