if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
