are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
