if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
