girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
