he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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